Finding Light in Darkness: A Journey Through Suicide and Hope

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By Tasha Renae | April 3, 2024

As I sit down to write this article, I am filled with a sense of both trepidation and determination. My name is Tasha Renae, and I have walked through the darkest valleys of despair not once, but twice in my life. The journey has been painful, but I am compelled to share my story in the hopes that it may shine a light for others who find themselves lost in the shadows.

In 2003, I found myself at the precipice of despair. Freshly married, I had hoped that love would be the balm to soothe the wounds of my past. But instead, I found myself betrayed and broken, my self-esteem plummeting to depths I never knew existed. Nights turned into endless cycles of darkness, and I found myself consumed by thoughts of ending it all.

I vividly remember the night when the whispers of the devil seemed louder than the beating of my own heart. He painted a picture of peace, of release from the agony that seemed to suffocate me at every turn. And in that moment, his lies felt like truth, his promises like solace. I had penned my farewell, prepared to leave behind a world that seemed devoid of hope.

But then, in the midst of the darkness, came a voice. It roared like thunder yet caressed like a gentle breeze, calling my name with a command to rise. And in that moment, I was shaken to my core. For it was not the devil’s voice that I heard, but the voice of my Creator, whispering words of love and purpose into the depths of my soul.

In the years that followed, I fought tooth and nail to reclaim my life from the clutches of despair. Yet, despite my unwavering faith and determination, the shadows seemed to linger, casting their pall over even the brightest moments. Divorced, heartbroken, and haunted by the ghosts of rejection, I found myself once again teetering on the edge of oblivion.

The devil’s whispers returned, this time cloaked in the guise of scripture and false promises of peace. I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun, the weight of despair crushing down upon me like a vice. In that moment of darkness, I felt utterly alone, abandoned by a God who seemed deaf to my cries.

But then, like a beacon cutting through the fog, came the voices of my loved ones. They found me in the depths of despair, their presence a lifeline in a sea of hopelessness. And as I wept in their arms, I realized that my life held meaning beyond my pain, that my struggles were not in vain.

To anyone who finds themselves standing on the edge of that same precipice, I implore you to listen to the voices of hope that surround you. Reach out, speak up, and know that you are not alone. Your life is precious, your story worth telling. Do not let the darkness win. For even in the depths of despair, there is light, there is hope, and there is a way forward.

I am living proof that the darkest nights can give way to the brightest dawns. And though the road may be long and fraught with challenges, know that you are stronger than you think, braver than you know, and loved beyond measure. Together, we can rise above the darkness, shining as beacons of hope for all who are lost at sea.

If you find yourself struggling, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. You are not alone, and there is always someone willing to listen, to lend a hand, and to walk with you on this journey called life. Help is available; speak to someone today at 988, the Suicide and Crisis Line.

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If you are looking for Tasha Renae to speak with you or a group, she can be reached by email at thegreatiamhealingcenter@gmail.com or via social media at Tasha Renae.


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